It feels like a huge feat to have completed my IDRP project. During the process of completing my IDRP project I faced a number of personal challenges which has made this feel like an even bigger accomplishment. 

While many people who carried out their IDRP projects did so as part of a placement or part of a team, mine was carried out primarily independently. My supervisor, Dr Vandra Harris, allowed me a lot of freedom which was at times intimidating but also engendered a certain degree of confidence. Being able to overcome obstacles along the way, be they personal and internal or with regard to the project has built my confidence and provided me an opportunity to show myself that I am capable of carrying out such a large body of work.

My research also left me with some unanswered questions.

My reflective research report examined the application of kaupapa Maori, a research methodology created by Maori, for Maori. When I began to discuss researching this topic with friends from Aotearoa/New Zealand and read the work of Maori academics and became unsure whether it was even appropriate for me to be delving into this area. As a pakeha, I have been afforded privileges many Maori simply have not. I felt a level of trepidation when I began this research, asking myself questions like: is it my place to undertake this research? Linda Tuhiwai Smith (2012) offers two opposing perspectives on this issue: no, kaupapa Maori is by Maori, for Maori but also, yes, but not on their own. This lead to me feeling uncertainty and uneasiness.

This uncertainty was not necessarily a bad thing. It was through this uncertainty that I began to critically reflect on what I was doing and also how I was doing it. I was questioning my role in systems and questioning my power and privilege. 

It was through uncertainty that I came to reflect on a number of issues, be it how I move forward in my research or how to appropriately and sensitively engage with frameworks and methodologies that were created as a reaction to Pakeha and Western culture, a culture I am part of as a Pakeha woman.

Although I do not have answers to all of these questions, I feel this experience, of researching kaupapa Māori as part of my IDRP, has made me more comfortable asking them. As a pakeha person, I carry privilege and this is something I shouldn’t ignore. I now feel more comfortable being uncomfortable and putting myself in situations and discussions I would not have thought I could have been in before.

In order to engage in international development or humanitarian practice, there is going to be many times that I am not within spaces I am used to. I feel as though the achievements I have completed during this IDRP project have both build confidence and humbled me. I believe the skills I have developed through this process will enable me to mitigate reproducing Western hegemony in my practice and will enable me to make a positive contribution to the fields of international development and humanitarian practice.

Smith, L.T., 2012. Decolonizing methodologies: Research and indigenous peoples. Zed Books Ltd.

Conducting research interviews was an interesting experience as it was unlike any other activity I had engaged with as part of my studies.

Although I was not the one being interviewed, it felt like a vulnerable experience. This is because I had to seek out and find people who may want to participate in my research. All those who I asked graciously accepted and shared their knowledge and experience with me, which is something I am very grateful for. Despite this, I did not feel fully comfortable during this process. I felt a degree of imposter syndrome when carrying out this research and the interviews. The individuals who I interviewed have many years of experience in humanitarian practice while I have none. 

Prior to this, my research and studies, with the exception of group work, had been something I did primarily singularly. It was something that depended on what book I could find, which journal articles I found to be the most informative. This was data that had already been analysed, synthesised and communicated by an author. The prospect of doing this myself was very intimidating.

I had to remind myself during these interviews what I had learned so far in studying learning and lessons adoption, it is a process. It is through failure that one can reflect on their actions and draw lessons from it, therefore there is no need to be afraid of trying because it can either go well or it can go badly and you can learn from this. During my interviews and research I was lucky enough not to encounter any catastrophes but this was a heartening concept to remember.

My experience at the Ethics in a Crowded World conference held by the Australian Association for Professional and Applied Ethics (AAPAE) is a critical point I reflect upon when thinking of the earliest stages of my IDRP process.

My project involved researching lessons uptake within the humanitarian sector and where practitioners source this information from. At the conference, a speaker mentioned the issues associated with learning in the humanitarian field. With so many actors and a small source of funding, there was a lot of competition. Because of this, there is an aversion to sharing ideas and new approaches that an organisation is carrying out, as well as not wanting to portray themselves as organisations that wasted the funding they did receive on failed projects. She called for organisations to report on their failure, arguing that a library of failures would be a great tool for humanitarian organisations as it would help inform organisations, not on what works, but what doesn’t so all can take lessons from that experience. This initially posed a challenge in finding sources of information on lessons and lessons uptake.

This was an important moment for me as it provided me with an insight into how people within the humanitarian field think of lessons and learning. It was also a slightly overwhelming moment as well. If this person is having troubles finding information about learning and lessons, how will I do considering my far limited experience?

This experience motivated me to get creative with my methods of finding literature, looking at related fields and searching different terms in online databases to find the information I would need to write my proposal and lay a foundation for the work I will carry out in my placement.

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